A Beginner’s Guide to being a Highly Negative self-serving Jerk

Challenge the status-quo

Syed

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Photo by Rachit Khurana on Unsplash

Disclaimer 1: If you are a person like that, you won’t have anyone around to disrespect or bother, but, of course, you have to start somewhere…

Disclaimer 2: There’s too much noise in the self-help arena around being productive and positive and all that…maybe it’s time for a change.

It’s actually quite easy to disrespect people and be a world-class jerk. You can start here:

  1. Don’t make eye contact with them.
  2. Use your phone when talking to them.
  3. Don’t reply to their texts.
  4. Never return their calls.
  5. Ask them for favors all the time but never do anything for them.
  6. Interrupt them whenever they talk.
  7. Discredit everything they say.
  8. Embarrass them in a group.
  9. Call their ideas stupid.
  10. Make everything about you.
  11. Demean them.
  12. Call them nicknames they hate.
  13. Steal their work. Never give them credit.
  14. Always arrive late. Don’t respect their time.
  15. Prioritise your commitments over theirs.
  16. Invade their space and privacy.
  17. Use their things and eat all their food.
  18. Mock them.
  19. Imitate them in the worst possible way.
  20. Bark at them.
  21. …and so on.

It’s not an exhaustive list. I can go on and on but at the end of the day, I don’t know what your capabilities are or what you are comfortable with, so, use your discretion and do your best. I believe in you.

I mean it’s common sense after all. Just do anything that goes against societal norms or what a person likes. You will be a star and soon lonely but I am guessing that’s what you are after.

Go get ’em, tiger. Make their life a living hell.

Godspeed!

PS. What you read is my attempt at humor, if you like it, you are a jerk (JK), if you don’t like it, you have learned something from the article. Congratulations!

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