To be Powerfully Happy have a Positive Relationship with Emotions
A Resonant mind, body, heart, and soul = Happy You.
Imagine you are the owner of a farm. You have a warehouse where you keep your livestock, your dear cows and chickens. One day, a wolf breaks in and eats a chicken (Yummy). One chicken? Who cares!
Here is the catch. The wolf doesn’t leave. He wants to stay and enjoy his feast. You are also not kicking him out because you think he will just leave, by himself. But, he doesn’t. Once the wolf gets comfortable he calls for his pack too and now you have one big happy family of chicken and mutton eaters.
You still expect them to leave on their own one-day and on top of that you keep bringing in a new stock of animals regularly. It feels like a never-ending process. You are tired and sad. What can you possibly do?
This situation sounds familiar? Let me explain.
I love you.
Yes, YOU, the one reading this post right now. I love you.
I don’t say this to you because I want a favor from you such as money or Sex. I say this out of pure honesty and love. See, my problem is that I cannot keep my emotions or feelings about someone inside. Thus, I often let out my feelings, in a positive way, to people, and let them know what is in my heart or mind.
I don’t lie about my feelings. Never.
If I like you, I will let you know. And, if I don’t, that doesn’t mean I am going to spit it on your face. Hey, I don’t like you.
No. I won’t do that. I won’t tell the truth but I won’t lie to you either. I won’t try to flatter you with insincere and untruthful lines. I despise flattery. As Henry Ward Beecher says,
Flattery is praise insincerely given for an interested purpose.
Now that my self-praise is over, let me tell you about the importance of feelings.
You are a human being. Come on. You are not just mind and body, You have a heart. You love and laugh. You get hurt. You cry for god's sake. Passion, sympathy, sorrow, warmth, rage, ecstasy, thrill, desire, pride, and so on.
These so-called emotions are a part of you and you cannot just detach them from you whenever you want. You have to live with them. They will be by your side until you die.
Here comes the interesting part.
What you feel is known to you. Only you. It is a feeling. It is intangible. It is not heat or cold that you can ask someone to put their hand forward and feel it, unless, of course, you have telekinetic powers. Then, you can stop reading this article and move along.
If you are not telekinetic, please keep reading.
So, as I was saying, your feelings are internal. But, what you say to me is external. For example, if you are feeling sad and I ask you, Hey, what’s wrong?, and you are like, ‘Nah, it is all good.’ and then I am, ‘Are you sure?’, then you are, ‘Yeah man. Don’t worry about it.’ and poooffff…
Gone.
What happened here? You said something that is not resonant with what you feel. There is a conflict. You feel sad but you show happy.
Do you think that is healthy?
It is not. Feelings are meant to be shared. That is when you feel at peace because then your brain doesn’t have to fight to maintain two decorums. You don’t have to hide anything. There is no pretending.
You are who you are when you say what you feel. I am not a psychologist but I have experience. I know how important sharing is. We are meant to be vulnerable. Only then we can shed the bad part behind us and move to the good ol’ future days.
You may call it catharsis or whatever. It doesn’t matter. The point is a vulnerability. Being vulnerable isn’t equal to being weak and emotionally immature. It means you are courageous enough to admit that you made a mistake, that you want help (Simon Sinek). Thus, as Simon Sinek says:
Go out there and say it: I am vulnerable.
You are who you are when you say what you feel.
Wait right there. Hang on. I know what you are going to say. I cannot just share my feelings to every single person I meet out there. And, to that, I say, kudos. You are absolutely right. People don’t care how you feel, in general. Like, if I start bitching about my problems here on Medium, I bet you I will have more haters than followers.
So, no, you don’t have to share your emotions with all of them. Only those you can trust your emotions with. They will not judge you or worse just listen to you and move on.
If life is that harsh on you that you do not have anyone close enough in your life, share it with yourself. How do you do that? Write. Write your heart out on a piece of paper or a diary or your chest if you have to. There have been researches that have proven that writing your emotions down can have immense benefits.
Actually, I would still recommend you to keep writing even though you can talk to a confidant. Writing is no writer’s legacy or birthright. We are all prolific writers in our own ways. So, write away and bleed those traumas out of you. Open the gate and let the wolves out. Bring in the sheep cavalry or chickens or whatever entices you.
Share it but maybe not all, which brings us to another important topic: What should I share and what should I keep to myself?
Two kinds of feelings.
There are two kinds/types of feelings:
I love you and I hate myself.
The I love you kind.
You are my friend and I like spending time with you. I love talking to you and helping you. I want to go to movies with you and maybe have a baby with you. Okay, okay, just kidding about the baby.
The thing is, we just met. I joined my new office and we became good friends. It is like we were meant to meet. We are so similar yet so different. You are a friend to me as Will Ferrel is to Mark Wahlberg in Daddy’s Home (Got it? I am Mark Wahlberg.)
Anyway, in our friendship, I have two options. I can make it stronger or I can take it easy and let it go one day.
I choose the first one. I confess my feelings to you. I tell you how grateful I am to have a friend like you. You are kind and humble. Beautiful and crazy. You are just awesome.
If you are really how I described you just 2 minutes ago, you will either accept my feelings in a positive way or maybe reciprocate the same feelings to me. In both these cases, it will show you that I truly value this relationship and I am not afraid of being embarrassed to share my feelings with you.
A C-O bond is just created (refer to Chemistry 101).
The idea that I had in mind when I started writing this article was to convey to you that you must share your true (and positive) feelings with your friends and family. If you are feeling too generous, go to town, spread love to your colleagues and acquaintances as well. Let them know they are special and that you appreciate their presence in your life.
Just remember, Life is too short to not share your feelings and die with all that love still inside you. I need more love. This world needs more love. There is too much hatred and war around us. Make the world a better place with whatever you can.
You have the power to do anything. You are just being lied to that you cannot. Can you prove them wrong?
The I hate myself kind.
You just lost an important project for your startup or you are sad because you started dating last week and she is getting married next week, not to you, of course.
These are the kind of feelings you do not share with everyone. You need someone very special for these kinds of talks. Probably a partner, a parent, or even a best friend.
First of all, in my opinion, I would suggest to not keep anything to yourself. If you do not have a close friend or family, talk to a therapist. There is always a solution, a way, a choice. Trust me. We all have been through what you are going through right now. One day it is all good and the next day, you are standing at the precipice of a beautiful cliff.
Sharing not only makes you feel better, but it also aligns your mind, body, and soul, in the same place.
If you are not confident in sharing your deepest darkest secrets with another human soul, share it with your pet or your doll, or anything that you hold dear.
Again, if this too doesn’t work out for you, write it down.
DO NOT KEEP IT INSIDE. This way there is only pain and suffering. You cannot protect your chickens if the wolves are your daily uninvited guests.
Let the wolves out. Save your chickens.
A little DIY experiment.
If you have a little time and courage, write down in the comments below, either a secret you have been wanting to share or maybe a story of how you did it in the past.
Don’t do it for me. Do it because you want to.
Thank you for reading. :) Have a spectacular day.
